I previously wrote about putting her down to sleep with some relaxed breathing and a song. I made a list so I would remember and she forgot. Or so it seems - I am never sure what exactly sticks and will come out mashed up with something else later on. Usually causing me to simultaneously laugh at the absurdity of her statement and admire the creative genius that put odd or unrelated things together. Like a milestone that is not as cute or happy as the ones that precede this. But this is an important milestone and not just because I settled on a name for something that has been rolling around in my head and hands for over ten years. The first I ran into Sunday night was not like the others. Not at all cute or funny. Hannah hurt my feelings and it was such a strange feeling. SO strange that I didn’t realize what it was exactly until later on when I re-played the conversation in my head. The whole bbq fiasco thing and the normal desire to stay with Julie really didn’t bother me. Maybe I was hyper-sensative but to come home and hear, “Nan nah boo boo I got to stay with Mama!” made me feel small. I know it’s just kids stuff, and I knew kids can be cruel until we teach them better so I have been taking things like this with a grain of salt. On Sunday though, for a minute there, it was very personal and Hannah crossed a line that I’ll bet she didn’t even know was there. How could she, she is four. I know she forgot about it as soon as I left the room and went outside to sit on my wall and think about what had happened. This raises a parental question,. How best to explain to a(n almost) four year old that what they say and what the do has tremendous impact if not on themselves then those around them? Example? Scolding or guilt trips? Rational discussion over a beer? That one will have to wait a while. Maybe that’s a key - establish a regular dialog like we do at bedtime and work it into the conversation. Do like Grandma Iacobucci did when we had tea and just talked except that the next time there is something important to tell her it’s just part of the conversation, not a lecture/scolding/guilt trip to (try and) manipulate her behavior to suite my needs while trying to get ready to leave the house. Also related to this was the thought that she does have a lesson to teach me, even here. If I stick to my guns, persevere just keep going i’ll put myself in a position get the truly want. How best to remember that myself when the weight of the world crashes down that what I say to myself has tremendous impact on myself and others. Even the little things. No, not even. Most importantly the little things. Thats where watching childhood from the parental view is so fascinating. There is such focus on the little things: explaining them, exploring and breaking them until they are understood. It is in this process that I find commonaility’s when Riding Lines. I do find that there are other things to learn from a Hannah that can apply in the grown-up world to my benefit.
- Keep trying it the way I want to no matter what anyone says. (Adult caveat - do this on your own time and projects)
- I can do anything myself (Adult caveat - seek the path of least resistance and balance though)
- Mac n’ Cheese is the best food ever (Adult caveat - feed your body and mind a steady diet of good things)
- It’s ok top block everything out during periods of intense focus (like watching My Little Pony or painting or creating with the tools at hand)
No matter, the water goes under the bridge, we breath and walk on and I now have a name for my song. Here are two crude recordings of what I was playing around with when she wanted to know its name.
Riding Lines
:Clean Combo
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:Metal Wah
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